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I sat her down & told her that this behavior is inappropriate and that I am not tolerating. I have 2 grown daughters and neither of them would ever conceive of spooning their dad, like she did. The DH & I are not speaking as I feel that I have drained my emotional reserve from trying to "calmly " explain how the world sees this, How I see this. this happened 4 mornings ago and I have since moved into the spare room. I agree with the one who said that cps is most likely not going to come swooping in to investigate as there are much worse dysfunctional activites happening. Thank you all soo much for your insightful comments. Maybe if you said 'if I had a 16 year old son, and he got upset or ill, would it be ok for him to sleep in our bed with us?' it would make him think about it from your point of view? You could try explaining the situation from your point of view as someone who is not her mother but is now expected to have a 16 year old in your bed. Maybe if you explain that you understand those feelings, and are in no way accusing him of being inappropriate, he would be less defensive. So he's trying to avoid facing that scenario by denying that there is anything wrong and going on the offensive blame-wise.
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He probably has no idea how to tell her that she's a bit old for getting into bed with him and fears hurting or offending her, or worst case scenario, driving her to move out again. If it were cuddling on the sofa I would probably think it was normal and affectionate, but getting into bed with you when you are not her parent is an intrusion. DH probably feels he has lost out on many cuddly years with his daughter when she was young and is just glad to have his daughter living with him and being affectionate.
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I agree with the making up for lost time theory. When he blows a gasket remind him that one day she will be gone and all grown up and he will be very lonely. When he asks what is wrong you can tell him that as he prefers to sleep with his daughter over sharing a bed with you it is obvious you are no longer part of the partnership and you are exploring your options. No hugging, touching, sex.Nothing beyond platonic relationship. The other option is to move into a different room and become his room mate for a couple weeks. Your DH is getting defensive because he knows this is odd. If you cannot deal with boyfriend issues maybe you shouldn't have a boyfriend." But you cannot sit on our bed and you have 5 minutes. Let's see if it is just your 'dirty mind' or whether he has escaped reality for a while as he acts like she is 5 yrs old.Īs for the "I bet you don't want to hear my stupid boyfriend troubles."speech, she is looking for sympathy. Talk to your DH and ask him to check with his men friends ab out whether this is normal or nuts. However if she is old enough for a boyfriend then she is old enough to sleep on her own. I think he feels he is making up for lost time. One thing i have learned over the years is that a gut feeling should always be trusted.i am totally disgusted by this situation.
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He said my gut feeling that i told him i had is wrong. He responded by telling me that i turned something innocent into something sick and twisted. I told him that i think this is inappropriate behaviour and he should not allow it. I did not hide my disapproval and let him know exactly how i felt. I woke up a couple hours later to find her spooned up against her dad. we both then get up to talk to her & I make her hot choc. 2 nights ago, she comes in crying about a breakup, and she says to me " I bet you don't want to hear about my stupid boyfriend problems". I put a stop to it for a while, but it started again with her coming in crying bc she had a bad dream, trouble w/ a bf, or whatever reason, she winds up laying in bed with him, and me there on my side, just feeling like i'm just there. She then began coming into our room to get in bed with him. As soon as she gets moved in she starts bouncing on her dad's lap at any chance she gets like she's a iittle kid. Her bio mom is not that great of a role model for her so I was all for the change. She wanted to come live with us almost as soon as we got married. I was so wrong when i thought she would never come live with us. She has not lived with him since she was very young. I married a man this summer who has a daughter who is 16, soon to be 17. I can't help but feel I have made a horrible mistake.